Code of Honor
by Original Max A
Summary: A brief character study on Joss Carter, how she developed her code of honor and how, through her interaction with Reese, Finch and Fusco, it continues to evolve. This might end up as a series of stand-alones as the series progresses. Mild Angst.
1. Chapter 1

It was Thanksgiving of 2002, when Joss announced to her family that she was going to be promoted to Lieutenant. The promotion came with more money, better health care and an increase in her level of security clearance. Her family, always proud of Joss's achievements, begged for the details that they knew she couldn't divulge, but that never stopped them from asking. In all of this noise, the silence of one 5-year-old boy was particularly deafening. Joss looked over the hugs and congratulations from aunts, uncles and cousins to Taylor.

"Baby, are you okay?" she asked.

Taylor nodded, "Does this mean you'll be home more?"

The noise suddenly died down as the soft-spoken boy asked his question. All eyes were on Joss as she searched for words that wouldn't break her son's heart.

"I'm going to try. But I don't know for sure," she replied, feeling sick in the heart.

"Okay," Taylor said and pushed around the stuffing on his plate.

Joss leaned in a whispered to him, "But you know what?"

"What?" Taylor asked, still messing with his food.

"I'll have a set schedule. Which means that I can call you and you can call me at the same time, every night," Joss stated.

"Really?" he asked.

Joss nodded, "Being a Lieutenant, gives me a few phone privileges."

She bent down and took her son's hands into her own, "I know it's not the same, but I need you to know that I want to be with you more than anything else in the world. And I trying to make sure that happens everyday"

"What do you mean?" asked Taylor.

Joss opened her mouth to answer, but a big hand on her shoulder stopped her. She looked up and saw her husband starting down at her and her son.

"It means that after this tour, mom will be with us full-time," he said with his deep voice.

Taylor's eyes lit up and he leapt into his mother's arms.

"Really" he exclaimed.

Joss quickly shot her husband a scathing look and then smiled at her son.

"Yeah, baby. I'll be back soon," she said and Taylor hugged her tighter. Joss blinked back tears.

"Why don't you go play with your cousins, okay? I hear Adam has the new Playstation," Joss suggested to her son.

"Cool. Can I have one?" he asked. Joss laughed, happy to have him distracted from her future departure.

Joss ruffled his hair, "Maybe later, young man. Now just go play."

Taylor gave her a mock salute and ran off. Joss lifted herself of the ground and glared at her husband.

"I don't believe you," she said with venom laced in her words.

Her husband reached out her, "Now, babe…"

She swiftly avoided his touch and pointed her finger in his face, "Don't "babe" me. You know I try to be honest with my son at all times. And you do this."

"It's not a lie, if it's true," he replied.

"You don't know that. I don't know that. Even if-"

A voice cut through the impeding argument with a low rumble, "Jocelyn."

Joss looked at her father, whose towering figure nearly dwarfed everyone else.

"Can I see you in the study?" he asked.

Joss let out a breath and smiled, "Sure, dad."

She stared at her husband she left, letting him know that their conversation was far from over.

In the study, her father gestured for her to sit down. Jocelyn's father, Matthew Rogers, was a big man with a decorated military background. He was a big part of the reason that Joss joined up.

He sat down in the chair across from Joss.

"First of all, I want you know that I'm proud of you," he stated.

"Aww, Thanks, dad."

Matthew put his hand up, "I mean it. Everything things you've done with Taylor and getting married and your career. You are incredible, my dear."

Jocelyn smiled, "Dad."

"But I worry about you. And now that you are going into Army intelligence, I worry about you even more."

Joss leaned into him quickly and whispered, "How do you know that?"

Matthew raised his eyebrow, "You think you're the only one in this family with pull? Jocelyn, you are entering to a dangerous game, I just want to make sure you are ready for it."

Jocelyn let out a huff, "I'll be fine. I'm more interested in how you know all of this stuff."

"If you are going to get into intelligence, you are going to learn when _not_ to ask questions," he stated cryptically.

"But that's why they want me. I asked questions people are afraid to ask and I get results. I'm good at what I do."

Matthew squinted at her, "I know, that what worries me. If you come across the wrong bit of information, who know what they'll do."

"They?" Jocelyn asked.

Matthew pointed the American flag hanging in the study. It was above a glass table that contained his purple heart, Silver Star and other military commendations.

"They," he repeated simply.

"Listen carefully, Jocelyn Rogers-Carter," Matthew started, "Name your price, in the beginning. The service can build you up or shake you down. I raised you to think for yourself and sometimes the service tries to kill that in people. There has to be a line that you don't cross for anybody. A private code that will allow you to stay true to yourself."

Jocelyn looked at her proud father, a patriot with an impeccable record of military service, confused and concerned.

"What are you saying, Dad?"

"People lose themselves all time, especially intelligence. You got a family and little boy; you can't afford to lose who you are for God and country. Now I want you to do your duty, to serve this great nation of ours, but if something happens. If they ask you to cross a line that you know you can't come back from…" Matthew let his words trail off.

Joss got out of her chair and hugged her father, "I do what I must. I'll protect myself. I promise."

Matthew nodded and kissed her hand, "That's all can ask, babygirl. All I can ask."

As the years passed, her father's words continued to come back to her. She saw a few men and women in her unit slowly become people she didn't recognize. She learned to read the look in someone's eye after that had been asked to do something they hated.

She also saw heroes and men and women who risked their lives to save others. She saw honor and destruction in equal measure. When she had to make decisions, her father's words were never far from her mind. While it wasn't always possible to take the moral high ground, Joss tried her best and took her personal code of honor wherever she went. As she got deeper into military intelligence, she realized just how hard it was to stay true to her personal ethics, just how hard it was to stay true to herself. She learned how to play in areas of grey, but she tried not to stay there too long. Honestly, playing in the gray was one of the reasons she left the military. While she didn't expect things to be cut and dry in the NYPD, but the limits were clearer, the mission was consistent and the rules could be broken instead of rewritten to fit into a political agenda. After 8 years in the NYPD, she was pleased to say that her moral compass was still intact… mostly.

Joss Carter had seen dirty cops, she had heard about HR in whispers, but her income was constant, her son had a stable life and she was already fighting the criminals on the street; fighting corruption in her own department was a battle she didn't need. She couldn't fight it on her own anyway. So she kept her head down and closed her cases as admirably as she could.

Until a certain vigilante came into her life and told her in no uncertain terms that she wasn't alone. Now, as she looked at him across the basement of Merton Watts bank, she hoped that she communicate the same message back to him. She knew the rules. She knew the law. John Reese; the vigilante she had chased for six months, the man who lived in the gray; had saved her life, the life of her son and the lives of countless others. He became somewhat of a partner, even a friend and if she was going save him, she was going to have to play in the gray just like him. The only question was how far could she go to save the "Man in the Suit" before she violated her own code of honor?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: As of tonight's (1/10/2013) episode "Prisoner's Dilemma", this fic is now AU. This would happen 12-24 hours after Reese release from prison.

* * *

Joss exhaled a long breath as she entered her apartment. She put her purse on the counter that divided her living room and her kitchen. She closed her eyes briefly and finally acknowledged the presence that had been lurking behind her for the last few blocks.

"Hi John," she said, not bothering to look behind her, "Close the door, will you?"

She heard the door shut. She finally turned as John stepped into the muted glow of the light over her stovetop.

"Detective," he greeted. Joss felt the side of her mouth lift up. It was nice to see John back to his old self as opposed to the character he played while staring at her in an orange jumpsuit. She had missed him; despite the fact that she saw him almost every day of his incarceration. She gave him a once over with her eyes.

"New suit?" she asked.

"Finch's version of a 'welcome home' gift. Somehow my old suit got covered in rubble," he stated.

"Is that a fact?" asked Joss and she let out a smile, "Well, I'm glad you're back on your feet."

"Thank you for helping me get there," John replied.

"Anytime," she said and turned to walk into her small kitchen.

"So," she continued, "Is there a reason for this visit or did you just come to be dazzled by my sparkling personality?"

John smirked, "I'm always dazzled by you, detective."

Joss snorted, "Charmer."

Joss opened her cabinet door and looked up.

"Damn, that boy," she muttered.

"What is it?"

She rolled her eyes at the cabinet and turned her head to face John.

"Someone at school taught Taylor about the wonders of coffee and ever since then, he keeps on putting my coffee has his level and not mine," she replied exasperated.

"Can't believe you stand for that," he replied with humor laced in his voice.

She gave him a look, "I don't. But if misplaced coffee is my biggest problem with my teenage son, I'm doing pretty good."

John nodded and walked into the kitchen, "Here, let me get that for you."

She backed up to give him some space, but ended up trapped between John and countertop. John reached up to grab the coffee and sent Joss a brief glance that let her know that he was well aware of their intimate position.

"You know, Carter, I think I like you this way," he said.

Joss cocked her head to the side, "And what way is that?"

He handed her coffee can to her.

"Trusting," he replied and moved to allow Joss space to get by him.

Joss looked at him and smiled.

"Well, you've earned it," she said and walked by him to get to the coffee maker.

"You want a cup?" she asked.

"That'd be nice," he replied.

Joss nodded to the living room, "Just have a seat and I'll be out in a minute."

Joss started scooping the coffee grounds into the filter and noticed that Reese hadn't moved. She turned to him.

"You know, watching me isn't going to make your coffee brew any faster," she said wryly.

"We need to talk," he announced in a voice completely devoid of the lightness that had colored their conversation so far. Joss took in John's silhouette as he stood like a sentry in the middle of her kitchenette. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"After coffee," she replied simply and returned to what she was doing, briefly ending their conversation. She felt John walk behind her as he moved to the living room. John never made social calls, so Joss had expected their conversation to turn to Finch, Donnelly, Fusco or one of the 8 million people of New York City. She hadn't expected the personal tone in his voice or the concern in his eyes when he had been standing in her kitchen. Silence stretched as the coffee brewed while Joss wondered about what John planned to say to her. She had expected a thank you in regards to her actions to insure his release, maybe even a truly heartfelt expression of gratitude, but that could have been done in a few minutes with out Reese making a production of it. As she walked over to the couch that Reese was sitting on, she truly had no idea what she was getting into. She placed the mug in front of him and took a seat adjacent to him on the love seat.

She waited from Reese to take the mug in his hand before she took a sip herself. She let the heat from the warm, bitter liquid center her and then spoke.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" she asked with the directness that came from being a life-long New Yorker.

"Finch told me what you did for me, what you _been_ doing for me," he stated.

Joss shrugged, "It's not just you, John. It's the people you save. If I don't protect you, you're not on the street. If you're not the street, people die. It's that simple."

"No, it's not. Not for you," he replied.

Joss sighed, "I know in the beginning I gave you guys a hard way to go, but whatever we do, however we do it, we save lives. That's why I became a cop."

Reese smirked at her, "We?"

"You, me, Finch and Fusco. We," she said.

John looked at Joss in the eye.

"After Finch, you're the best friend I've got," he said sincerely and paused, "I'm concerned about you."

"That's sweet. But I'm fine," Joss replied and continued with her coffee.

John leaned toward her, "I don't think so. I don't think you've been fine for months."

Joss narrowed her eyes at him, "What are you doing?"

"I'm looking at the woman who saved my life and hoping that she didn't lose herself in the process."

Joss put her mug down, "While I appreciate you and Finch's concern about my moral integrity, I'm fine. Despite what you both seem to think, I do know that sometimes you have to do the wrong thing for the right reasons."

"I know you do. And I know that's what drove you from the Army in the first place," John replied.

She lifted her finger at him, "Don't push it."

"An Army Interrogator with Top-secret clearance and enough pull to get my sealed records _and_ to get a Cuban national onto U.S. soil eight years after she retired," John put his mug down as well, "Sounds to you were a star in military intelligence, a star that bowed out instead of faded."

Joss folded her arms, "Is this an interrogation?"

"No."

"Then, I ask again, what are you doing?" she asked.

"We pushed you, Joss. Far past your lines and limits-"

Joss interrupted John with ferocity that nearly scared her, "Don't you dear assume that you know what I am capable of. I'm not some pillar of virtue you can corrupt, John. I got my scars and skeletons just like you."

"But you're not me. I don't ever want you to become like me. The more you work with me and Finch, the more alike we become."

"That's my choice. I knew that I was going to have to make a few compromises if I was going work with you. I was prepared for that," she replied.

John lowered his head a little, "Maybe I wasn't."

He looked up at her, "When we met, I had lost all faith in everything I believed in. I had been betrayed by my own country. My partner, who I trusted with my life, had shot me. And the love of my life had been killed by man who was bound to love and protect her. Then I met you, something about you made me think that maybe this world was still worth protecting."

"John."

"That's what makes you special, Carter. After everything you've done, everything you've seen, you never lost faith," he replied.

Joss laughed, "You make me sound so naïve."

"No. That faith keeps you strong. Keeps you from bending, breaking and taking the easy way out."

"You have to bend sometimes. I know that," she replied.

John nodded, "Don't let us bend you so far that you break. If Finch or I push you too far, I want you to promise me that you'll walk away."

Joss took a deep cleansing breath. She looked at John. He was sincerely worried about her and worried about the compromises she had to make throughout their "whatever this is" relationship. Suddenly, she smiled.

"John, you're an idiot," she stated, taking John by surprise.

"You're my friend too," she continued, "And friends look out for each other. They help each other out of jams and pull each other from the brink. They _trust_ one another."

She leaned into him, "I trust you. I know that if it is in your power, you would never put me in a position that you thought I couldn't handle or couldn't come back from. Now I need you to trust that I know my limits and that I will kick your ass if you push me too far."

"I have no doubt about your ass-kicking abilities, Detective."

"Good. Cause I also trust that you will help pull me back if I need it and that you will allow me to do the same for you," she finished.

"You'd pull me from the edge?" he asked, softly.

Joss looked at John's hand and then took it in her own, "That's what friends do. You told me once that I wasn't alone. Neither are you."

John nodded to her, "Thank you."

"Anytime," she replied and squeezed his hand. To get John out of jail, she definitely played in the gray and broke laws left and right, but looking at John, free and in her apartment, she couldn't say that she regretted anything that she had done. Criminals were behind bars, a good man was free and while her conscience wasn't quite clear; it was…satisfied. She knew John would do the same, if not more, for her. For now, that was going to have to be enough.


End file.
